Fishs  

    I was shopping for a christmas present for my father (whose blog you can find [here]) the past few weeks. One of my first thoughts was to get him a book about physics, since I’m definitely the most qualified to know what he’d like in this department; [others have tried and failed]. It didn’t take long to realize that the book I’m looking for doesn’t exist. I know he’s content with most layman’s books, but he’s capable of going a bit further than they tend to tread. I think there’s a market for a physics book intended for the more educated layman, assuming the reader has been educated through calculus at some point, but not necessarily using any calculus in the book itself. Brian Greene’s work verges on this, but I’d like to see something move just a little bit further. In fact, I’d be interested in seeing a layman’s book that even had a textbook format, allowing the reader to calculate for himself some of the assertions being made.

    It then hit me that I’m capable of writing such a book. Perhaps it would be difficult to publish, since I only have a bachelor’s degree, but if my writing is good enough and I have the right connections, it may be possible. I’d keep this idea to myself, but I doubt there is anybody reading this with the qualifications to produce such a work. Even if there was, I don’t think it would hurt my chances of getting something published.

    Does this sound like something that someone would want to read? Perhaps one of those college hippie physics survey classes could use it as a textbook? I think I would have liked reading something like that when I was a senior in high school.

    I’ve put in a couple of days now at my old temp agency, Molly Brown Temps. The people who set me up for jobs are really nice; they welcomed my call with a genuine warmth which is very rare in the corporate world, even though I haven’t talked to them in over a year. They set me up with a job doing filing and data entry for Pacific Coast Feather. I can’t say I have any complaints about the work or the company, but I will say that it is nice to occasionally get this reminder of why I don’t want a desk job. If I were to describe the cubicle lifestyle with one word, the word that comes to mind is “stale”. The air is stale (no matter how many humidifiers they have on), the conversation is stale, the vending machine snacks are stale… life is stale. I’d like to hold onto my life a little bit longer before it goes stale.

    One of the funny things about data entry is just how entertaining numbers become. With no other stimulus, numbers become an incredible source of entertainment. Perhaps it’s just me and my unusual brain, but in any case, it would probably help to give an example to demonstrate.

    Each time I finish the data entry for a payment form, it gives me a number to reference the data file, which I write on top of the form. A typical number from Wednesday might have looked like 1900335486. Now, I would get really excited when I see a number like this, because it means I have only 14 more forms to fill out until I get four double-digits in a row. Also, at that point, the next 100 forms would be labeled with at least three double-digits in a row. Furthermore, each time I hit a double digit at the end of the reference number, like 1900335511 or 1900335522, my heart would feel an ever-so-slight bounce of elation. I’m not kidding.

    It’s funny that I make approximately the same amount of money kicking crackheads out of a coffee shop (including tips). If you ever wondered why I’m a barista when I have a bachelor’s degree in physics, that’s one of the reasons.

I should let you know, you’re all being watched.

http://www.google.com/analytics/home

    Google Analytics is a powerful tool that allows me to track the number of visitors to my site. Guess what? It does much more than that. It also tells me where you’re logging in from, what browser you’re using, what platform your computer’s on, the screen resolution, how you found my site, pretty much every piece of information your computer could possibly send me, it does. If someone goes to my site on Wednesday 12/13 from Astoria using internet explorer and looks at three pages (like, say, /fishs, /baking.html and /skulls.html), I’ll find out. Same goes for you, New Haven. Also Hoboken and Bellingham and Charlottesville and Vashon and…Issaquah? I’ve got my eyes on you guys. If you thought the internet was a private place, think again.

It’s time for my “weekly” science blog.

Today’s topic will be the cosmological evolution of the universe.

Comments for details.

    I’m sure at some point you’ve all heard the statistics about “top ten google searches”, but until now, I never knew just where to go to find those statistics. As it turns out, you go [here].

    Now, the page says “gaining search queries”. I’m not exactly sure what that means, but my guess is that it’s not actually telling me the top ten searches, but giving me the top ten increases in search engine activity. In any case, here is the top ten:

1. Britney Spears
   
2. Valentin Elizalde
   
3. Cyber Monday
   
4. Christmas Wallpaper
   
5. National Weather Service
   
6. Nativity
   
7. Christmas Tree
   
8. Kate Winslet
   
9. Kendra Jade
   
10. Charlie Brown Christmas

    That’s quite a list. What amazes me most is I haven’t heard of three out of ten of these items, which seems to indicate I’m a bit out of the cultural loop. I looked up Cyber Monday, and apparently that’s a shopping term; after Black Friday, the first shopping day after Thanksgiving, there’s now Cyber Monday, which is the online-shopping equivalent. I assume this is a term some news anchor made up and started using, because a hell of a lot of people needed to google it to find out what it means. Next year, though, we’ll all be on top of it.

    I like that national weather service is on there. People actually googled “national weather service” rather than just downloading one of the hundreds of free weather-watching pieces of software available to them. Here’s [a few dozen examples]. First page that pops up when googling “weather software”. I guess I can’t expect the majority of the web-surfing population to be good at googling.

    Also, can someone tell me who Kendra Jade is? I’d find out myself, but I don’t want to risk moving her up higher on the googled ladder, inflating her ego any more than it needs to be (of course, she may be a very humble person. I wouldn’t know, I have no idea who she is).

    I should also mention that I’m glad to see Britney’s back on the top of the list. Takes you all the way back to [2004], back when the Iraq war was only one year old.

    Now, if someone can please tell me where the real most-googled top-ten list is, I would be much obliged. I’m pretty sure this is something like “most quickly growing” google hits. In any case, it’s pretty fun.

(Because it’s way easier to repost things)

    On a daily basis, I find myself studying physics in a cafe, manipulating symbols and trying to understand concepts, and invariably becoming entertainment for some cafe-goer. Typically, their first comment will be something to the effect of “Whoa!”. Then, after they’ve finished reeling from the strain of looking at gibberish on a page (if they ever do finish reeling), they usually say something like “I can’t do math.” This is something I might have guessed. Then comes the strange comment, which I get almost every time: “I’m glad you can figure out stuff like that, so I don’t have to.” There are so many things I find strange about this comment, I feel the need to break it down into a list:

    1. What on earth causes everyone to make this comment? Maybe it’s the same force which causes customers at retail stores, upon seeing no price tag on an item, to make the joke “Hey! It must be free!” (and to think they’re the only ones in the world to ever make that joke). But come on now, did everyone in the world get together and say “This is the strange comment we’re always going to say to Paul when we first meet him and he’s doing math, okay?” We may never know for sure.

    2. How do you know I’m actually good at math? For all you know, I’m just scribbling greek letters all over a piece of paper. I guess this applies to any comment someone makes to the effect of “Gee, you’re smart,” but I figured I’d say it anyway.

    3. How does me doing math mean that you have to do less math? Is there some finite amount of math that the government requires americans to do each year, but if a few of us do a lot of math, that means the rest of us can just chill out and smoke pot? Well, that’s great, because I love math. And you should be happy, too, because if it weren’t for me, you’d have to start doing differential geometry first thing in the morning, instead of your usual wake ‘n bake.

    4. Perhaps you mean to say that people like me have to build the bridges and design the ipods that people like you get to enjoy. Well, I think you’re about to get disappointed, in that case. If I’m the one responsible for building the ipod Angstrom or the 14th street bridge, you’d better hold your breath, because I’m not about to apply my knowledge to anything useful to society. For that matter, since you’ve just met me, how do you know I’m not coming up with a way to destroy the earth, or worse, creating the next generation of really annoying ringtones? Chances are, that’s what I’m most likely doing, since that’s what most people with math skills are up to. Generally evil technology. That’s where the money’s at.

    5. I think Jagit Singh put it best, but it’s dark and I’m not about to root around for the book to quote out of it. He said something to the effect that we’re a society deeply rooted in science, and anyone who doesn’t want to learn anything about science is letting the eggheads upstairs control society’s destiny, probably for the worse. Yeah, he definitely said it better. Damn it, I’m going to go find that book.

Here we are, sitting at the counter of alt.coffee, as per usual. Do we spend too much time here? Yes, absolutely. It is too convenient and Patrick is too irresistable. Alas, we are destined to rot away in this coffee shop on Avenue A between St. Mark’s Place and East 9th Street.

Some of the regulars:

• Jon Budinoff. Cradle-robber and aspiring actor. Has been in several episodes of Law & Order and had a small role in Transamerica. Has two cats named Chocolate and Tiger and lots of fleecy blankets.
  
• Robert Bishop. Obnoxious, balding. Attempts to rob cradles as well. He has asked me out twice. I was sixteen years old both times; he was twenty-seven.
  
• Captain Asshat. I don’t know that much about him, but between him and Rob, every girl who’s walked into Alt has been hit on. Also attempts (and perhaps succeeds) to rob cradles.
  
• Normal Bob Smith. Very friendly, always drawing on his computer. Always orders a coffee in a mug. He is obsessed with disproving the existence of God. He sometimes dresses up as the devil, and has two crucified devils tattooed on the backs of his arms.
  
• Minnie Mouse. Wears mini-dresses and funky shoes. I’ve never talked to her, but we smile at each other on the street. She also always orders things in ceramic mugs. She puts half a pound of sugar in everything she consumes.
  
• Lindsey. She’s very nice, but in a fake sort of way. All the punks hate her but I don’t think she’s realized it yet. She’s trying to get with one of the aforementioned cradle-robbers.
  
• L.E.S. Jules. You know who he is, and if you don’t, you actually do and just don’t realize it. He hasn’t been here in a long time because he was 86′ed for the umpteenth time. He somehow hasn’t died yet…junkies are born with more than nine lives.
  
• Me. My name is Aiyana. I’m the half-asian chick at the counter always talking to Paul and Patrick and trying to make Patrick uncomfortable by grabbing at his face and stomach. Patrick and I used to have this plan (or, rather, I had this plan) that involved getting married, living in a house in Queens, and him working as a cop or construction worker while I stayed at home drinking Coors Light and smoking Newport 100’s while watching over our 10 adopted children and 15 cats. Why adopt, you may ask? Because sex would be MAD INAPPROPRIATE.